She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
