You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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