I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
