k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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