I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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