We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
