Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
