hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
