Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
