yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
