If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
