if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
