I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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