dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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