the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
