i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
