i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
