taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
