giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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