yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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