Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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