She is in my trunk
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
