I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
