In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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