He kissed a someone with a penis
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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