if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
