Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
