dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
