im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
