i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
