You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
