I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
