and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
