her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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