saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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