Sponge bath it is.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
