new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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