I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
