you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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