Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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