He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
