i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
