oh god the rape fog is back!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
