I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
