Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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