I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
