What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm at about main and main street
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
