Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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