does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rumble strips road head = magical
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
