I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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