i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
