She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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