is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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