I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
