Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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