Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
pop tarts are not kleenex
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
