she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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